For the last couple of weeks I’ve wanted to start fighting. Not like pick fights with people, I mean in a gym, or some kind of program. I don’t want to do anything fancy, I would prefer something like boxing and kickboxing, but not the shit I do at the YMCA, you don’t even get to kick bags, you’re just kicking air.

I want to kick the shit out of a bag or dummy guy. I want perfect high kicks and punches that could debilitate someone. Oddly enough I got a Living Social ad for a popular MMA style gym in the San Diego area, Undisputed. I don’t want to go to one of those places, I would feel very out of place. I would prefer somewhere I could make an appointment and be one on one or something. I’m sure something like that would be very expensive though. Or like a real kickboxing class would work.

Today I went to yoga sculpt, unfortunately Tabu wasn’t teaching, but the schedule had my #2 back up teacher, so I was like “Oh good, I’ll still get somewhat of a good workout” NO. I don’t know if she switched last minute, but someone else taught the class and I was fucking pissed. I almost raised my hand at the beginning of class to ask where the assigned teacher was.

This pisses me off about my yoga studio. They have done this before and last time I just left. Sorry, but I go to certain classes FOR THE TEACHER, not just for the class. I think its always the teacher that makes the class. Sure I made the class harder for myself, but it was such a baby class.

I get that people train differently, but this class is supposed to be challenging, instead its fucking lame and I’m pissed that I got off my couch, and dealt with finding parking to go to a weak class.

Talking with Tabu on Monday I found out he will only be teaching sculpt 3x a week, twice on Monday, then Wednesday, and late Sunday morning.  I work on Sunday, which is the only reason I don’t go to that class, but I think I may have to find a way to work it into my schedule so I can go to his class 3x a week, plus his Saturday Vinyasa.

I am going to combine that with kickboxing at the Y for now, until I find some kind of boxing class.  Maybe I will goal gift myself with a boxing class if I lose a certain amount of weight or something.

I think if I combine my sculpt class with kickboxing, and spinning (going to try a class soon) then my anger may dissipate.  I have an idea on my mood swings.  I have been off the pill for a full month, I think it may take about 3 months to level out.  I was very swingy when I first started on the pill, and I was taking them for a straight year and then got off.

From a science point of view, this makes sense to me.  I just hate waiting to level out.

I think thats the first thing you find when looking for ways to save money, “Stop eating out, plan your meals, brown bag it to work/school” its Duh 101.

I try to plan my meals, while I’m at the grocery store.  Dumb.  In December I started making lists, and not only did I get out of that packed full maze called Trader Joe’s faster, I also didn’t spend as much.  I’ve always tried to meal plan, but its so tedious.

So, I have given in, tedious or not, I need to start doing it, especially if I want all my working out to actually work for me.  With sites like Shape, FitSugar, NYTimes Health section and so on and so forth I have found a good amount of new recipes to add to my already large collection.

What to plan with?  I wanted something cute to put on my fridge to display “This is what you eat today” I originally was printing out template I downloaded for free a year or so ago, with blocks for everyday of the week.  I got bored of this.

I then found a large graphic design that inspired me to make my own.  I put my Utahn scrapbooking ways to work for me and headed over to Michael’s.

One thing I don’t like much about San Diego is the lack of really good fabric stores, and lack of scrapbooking stores.  I get that its hard to stay in business with scrapbooking since everyone is moving to digital S.B.ing, but I like glueing things to paper, making creative cuts, and all that jazz.  That’s one thing I miss about Utah.

Michael’s had some okay stuff, I settled on a vintage looking floral design, and choose 2 complementary block colors.  I only ended up using 2 additional colors.

Since I have a small kitchen and don’t have room to hand things horizontally, I picked a long vertical frame, I think its a 12×22.  Of course I overspent on the project, but if you want to make your own, its actually quite cheap, especially if you have one of those 40% off 1 item coupons from Michael’s that you can get from their website.

Materials:

Bought:
12×22 Frame, this was $8.99 then I used my coupon for it, el cheapo yay! (or any size of your choosing)
2 12×12 scrapbooking pages, of your choice
2-3 8.5×11 complementary colors of your choice

Already had:
Alphabet stencil
Hole Punch
Glue
Alphabet stamp set
Ink Pad
1 Brown grocery shopping bag
Ruler
Wet Erase marker

You can also use fabric to cover the back of the frame in whatever design you want.  I plane on doing this when I make an inspiration board later on.

I used an old case my cell phone came in to measure the blocks, but they are about 3×4″.

So, it has 7 days, I was going to just do M-F, but since I work on the weekends I planned those too, then made a large block for a Grocery List.

I use a wet erase marker to plan it all out, then I can just use a wet towel to erase it all, or you can go dry erase.  I plan for about 2 weeks at a time in my personal planner, but this is nice to have in my face because I barely look at my planner once I am home.

The ideas are endless, this took me a couple of hours, with stenciling and having to redo a few things to get it the way I wanted it. It was fun to get crafty again though.  I love artsy projects!

Sorry the last pic is fuzzy, I couldn’t focus it, oh well!

I never really took what she said into account, until yesterday.  It was my favorite sculpt teacher, and he was not fucking around.  First class of the new year, he was on fire.  After almost an hours length of an ass whooping we ended the session with cardio.  Continuous kickboxing high kicks, butt kicks, heel taps, rotating jump squats, football runs, high knees, all repeated.  It was 100F in the room, easy.  I wanted to die.

“IF YOU STOP, WE WILL START ALL OVER AGAIN!! I HAVE ALL DAY PEOPLE”

I didn’t want to stop, I knew he wouldn’t make everyone start if I stopped, but I decided to believe it.  I pushed myself to finish all the cardio without stopping.  I thought I was going to throw up.  I almost started to cry, but I figured that if I had the energy to tear up, I had the energy to do football runs.

I got to that point, the point that I felt like quitting and I persevered.  I know what that instructor was talking about.  My life didn’t change in that instant, but I seized the moment, I seized that power to change.  I knew I could push myself through all those vomit-y feelings and do work.

So that’s what I did.

This NP wanted to know all about “what went wrong” with me.  Why am I soooooo fat.  It was really annoying.  This is why I dislike going to doctors.  They want to tell you that you have a problem, then refer you to someone else.  Then you would have to tell this new person all about it.

I was very uncomfortable and unhappy with this new NP.  I have a mirror, I know I’m overweight.  I weighed myself this morning, but when they weighed me, it read a difference of 15+ pounds.  I weighed myself after my appointment, and it was a 5+ difference from this morning.  This seemed more likely, considering my water consumption and eating from today.

You’re not going to fix me.  Her clinical words are just discouraging.  I don’t need her to hold my hand, but you’re seriously going to try and fix my problems or figure me out in a mere 15 minutes?  There is no breakthrough to be had in a doctors office for me.

What’s to be known, what’s my problem?  Its very simple at its essence.  I have an addiction to food and have be known to emotionally eat.  I have been keeping the emotional eating at bay, and the food addiction is still there, but I substituted all the fast food for healthy foods.   This is spurned by my family mostly, not feeling safe or loved, I turned to food.

I’ve been stronger this month than I have been all year.  I’m working out hard, and watching what I eat.  Although this is a hard month to be on a diet, two words: Peppermint Bark.  Serious weakness.  I think all my working out has kept me even.  Luckily the season is pretty much over.

Time to go workout.

The class got so hot I could actually feel my skin burning red.  Not my favorite, well, kinda.  I love when he yells at people.  Especially when there is dancey techno music blasting behind his voice.  I’m sick, I know.  Its fabulous.

Tomorrows going to be another hot one.  Well, guess I can break out the maxi dresses until this heat dies down.  It seems tacky to wear Maxi’s in the “fall” but 90F weather isn’t fall weather.  It isn’t even normal San Diego weather.  Thanks global warming!

I’m supposed to be studying for my exam tomorrow, but its too hot.  I put my notebook on my lap and the plastic sticks to my legs.  Its gross.  Besides the heat is too irritating for me to concentrate.

I had an epiphany of sorts the other day about my relation to my dating life.  Err, non existing dating life.  I’ve been quite reluctant to put myself out there again, fear, what a pain in the ass.  I’ll leave it to that, I think most can relate with the concept of not wanting to get hurt again.

Today at work I was doing some pool testing, and there were all these good looking Marines around in their small swim trunks.  Then me, looking like crap in my baggy work clothes.  I am not typically attracted to military guys, and I never really come across any that are very good looking (in my opinion).

I’m also super not into ripped muscular guys who look like trim 6 packed models… aren’t I?  No but really, I’m not.  But I wouldn’t have said no.

Then and there, I knew I needed to go out.  But where the hell do you meet people nowadays??  The bar, no, thats for getting slutty.  Do I have to dress to the nines to go to the grocery store and wander?  I have no idea.  School, no way, people there are too young mentally or physically.  My friends are all freaking married or in relationships.  So irritating.

I’m already on match, which sucks by the way, if your considering it, don’t waste your money.  I’m so serious.

Back to studying, then a yoga beat down, I’m so looking forward to it.

At the beginning of the month I got a call from the Ex.  Its easy to figure out that he is lonely and misses talking to someone, having that female companionship.  Well, I think better of myself than to be used by someone like that, and FOR THAT.  Sex is another matter however.  Just kidding…

Anyhow, I am better than that, and better than him because I would never use anyone like that.  I think that fucks with people more than using someone for physical intimacy.  Its emotional intimacy, asking questions about my family relationships and all that jazz.  Its none of your business anymore so politely go fuck off.

Anywho, the new season of The Biggest Loser is on.  I enjoy watching Bob roll his eyes at the contestants this week (Week 2) that were like “I was hoping for more” when they lost a good amount of weight already, and if they were female.  Whatever!  I get it, you work your ass off, literally, but during that first week you were working off a ton of water weight.  Most likely because you ate some ridiculously fattening and sodium rich food.  Now your eating lettuce.

Guess what, I lose like 10 pounds after a Bikram class, because I sweat my ass off, every pore that can sweat, will sweat.  Every molecule of water in your cells will release to help cool your body down.  Doesn’t really cool you down, but it makes you feel fucking ah-mazing!

I typically like The Biggest Loser, but I do not like the impression the contests give off, especially the younger team.  In the beginning interviews almost all of them were like “I hate myself, I will never find anyone to love me, Blah blah blah” so what your saying is that because you are fat, that no one will love you, so your ideal of loving someone is based on what they look like and not what’s on the inside?

I am overweight, but I still love myself.  I have my bad days, my “Fat” days as well, but I don’t go on national television saying that no one will ever love me because I am overweight.  That’s pathetic.  I know I am beautiful, and I don’t need to be skinny to feel beautiful either.  I actually never want to be “skinny”, my version of healthy would be a size 12/14.  Probably 14 because a size 12 is really small for my frame.  I’m really tall for a female.

You can’t wait to love yourself till your at your “perfect” size or weight, perfect doesn’t exist.  I get that some of the contestants on that show are in some serious self loathing, and I’ve been there, secret eating, and my own issues with food addiction, but I can’t hate myself because of it.

Why would anyone love you if you didn’t love yourself?

I have enough control to not even try to contact him.

Luckily school also started this week, so its been a nice break to keep my mind occupied.  I am taking Physiology this semester and its badass.  I love knowing how the body works, besides it makes me feel so smart.  Especially since most of the students have only taken a basic bio class, whereas I have taken basically all the classes they still have to take.

So tonight, in lieu of laying in my couch watching Mad Men and wallowing in my sorrows I went to a hot yoga class.  Hot Yoga always brings me out of a funk, I think its all the sweating and bending.  My body feels good, post yoga bliss.

I have also decided to design a 5-10 day juice cleanse.  I want to ideally go for 10 days,  but since this is my first juice cleanse I may just start slow and kick off from there.  I looked into the Ritual Cleanse, and at $80 a day, plus an additional $15 if you do the “Shred” program which is 2 extra drinks juiced for someone working out, I find it extremely out of budget.

I own a juicer, I live near a Whole Foods, and one of the best San Diego Farmers Markets is every Sunday.  I can do it myself.  Besides, I am not a Nutrition student for nothing.  If I couldn’t design my own cleanse then I should change majors, again.

I really don’t need to do a juice cleanse, I eat quite healthy, but lately I haven’t felt like eating, like for the last 3 weeks, so I will just throw together a salad or have toast or eat some almonds.  I haven’t been eating dinner.  My eating habits have been weird.  I bought eggs, my favorite thing to eat, a week ago and I have only ate 6 of them.  That is very out of the norm for me.

Anywho, I will be outlining everything once I have it set up, and there will probably be some complaints about the lack of solid foods, thats just me.

In my family there are 2 sets of cousins, so to speak.  The older ones, being currently between 38 and 25, then the younger ones, being currently between 18 and 6 I believe.  I belong in the first set, and I only have 2 other female cousins in that set.  The young set is almost all girls.

I was looking at my female cousin who lives in the midwest.  I don’t really get along with her, well, I never really talk to her and I ended up blocking her FB status updates because she always posted too much information, or was whiney, or, ok, well honestly she was just annoying.

Well, I just learned that she has lost 25 LBS, so I was like, oh that is cool, then I read her status that says “I want to break my diet so bad right now and what I am craving is a TOMATO! Can you believe that?!” I was thinking, what the hell, a tomato is about 35 calories.  I am not going to average out sugar or anything else, but if you are looking at straight caloric amount, 35 puny calories you could expend by getting off the couch and walking to the bathroom or something, especially since I know she is larger.

I had to investigate this “diet” she was on, not because I wanted to do it myself, but what kind of diet wouldn’t let you eat a tomato?  Further snooping found that she is doing the HCG diet.  HCG is Human Chorionic Gonadotropin, a hormone produced during pregnancy.  You take injections or use supplements, then drastically cut your calorie consumption.

I found a couple articles about Dr. Oz doing a show about this diet, and what he mentioned was that this diet has been around for about 50 years, but no sound studies have been done proving that it is the actual hormone helping you lose weight.  That you could possibly be injected with a placebo, and still lose weight because your only eating 500-800 calories a day.

My cousin is eating 500 calories a day.  Out of those 500 calories she is getting 2 servings of vegetables.  At least that is what I can tell from FB.  What an idiot.  When I see people doing stupid shit like that it makes me want to get on my soapbox and go off.  However, its not my life and if she wants to starve herself thats her business.

If her intake of carbohydrates isn’t enough, then of course your body is going to start breaking down your fats, which is where your weight loss is going to factor in, because your body is STARVING.

This is also not a long term solution, and although I have never met her husband, I know he is very big.  He has lost 30 pounds.  It really got my goat when some of her other comments were “We are making this a lifestyle change” I am really hoping that she means she is making eating right a lifestyle change, not starving herself.

In my opinion her and her husband need to face up and realize that what they are doing is not going to work for the long term.  There is no magic pill, no skinny injection, its a standard, very simple equation.  Burn more calories than you consume.  Eat more nutrient dense calories, make them count for something.

I mean I just study this stuff, what do I know?